20 Steps Back by Chocolate

I take 10 steps forward
But just to take 20 steps back
I’m not getting anywhere
And I for damn sure am not moving on
I’m suck in your vice grip of BS
I know its BS my head knows its BS
But my heart thinks its love
This is not love
Love is warm
It’s caring
Its soothing and something I lust to have
As for this
There is no word to describe it besides misery and rollercoaster
It’s happy then sad
Up then down
Warm then ice cold
And started but never finished
People say you have to know pain before you can appreciate true love
But I feel I have gone through enough
I cant help but wonder if its something about me
Maybe the way I walk or talk just screams “nope she’s not ready she needs more heart ach”
As these tears of confusion roll down my sun kissed golden skin I ask myself “how much more can I take until I say enough”
And “how much longer until love is ready to come rescue me from the nightmare full of pain and heartache”
There are so many emotions of hate, discussed, and pure infatuation that at this point I don’t know which one to go with
Im sick of trying to make this shit work
I’m sick of feeling like I have to make this shit work
I’m sick of having feelings for you when you don’t have them back for me
I feel like I’m willing to do anything to make this work
I don’t care if I have to call you every day or leave you alone until you’re ready for me
Stay the night at your house or sneak you into mine
Hell whatever it takes that’s where I’m at
I’m sick of feeling this way
I just want to be loved again
I would give anything to be held in your arms again
I wana say fuck you
But my heart and soul are in too deep
So what do I do now??
Because I surely don’t know
I’m hopelessly infatuated with you